My Body is a Cage
by Serinox
Summary: After having the worst day in his life, Shinichi wonders what will help him to let loose again. Staring down into the depth from his balcony, he knew what he had to do.


Shinichi walked into the lobby of the hotel he stayed in. Although, stumbling would be a more fitting description of his current walking style.

He stumbled through the lobby towards the bar and took a seat. Shinichi never really drank any alcohol before, but tonight was the best time to start, he figured. The bartender turned his attention to Shinichi. "What can I get you?"

Shinichi just named the first drink that came to his mind. "Double scotch."

"Any preferences? Blended, single malt...?"

"No."

The bartender shrugged and poured him his drink. Shinichi suddenly realized the guy never asked for his ID. 'Heh, got lucky here, he would've seen that I'm not old enough to drink this stuff yet.' He figured that he must've looked way older than he actually was, which didn't even surprise him considering the stuff he saw today.

Shinichi drank a good chunk of his scotch. It tasted worse than he imagined and burned in his throat, mouth and nose. He resisted his urge to cough and punished himself with another sip; it didn't get any better. Just now he noticed that his surroundings were quite loud. Shinichi turned around and saw a sizeable mass of teenagers partying; inside the big hall the bar throned over and outside in the inner courtyard of the hotel he could see through a glass front. Technically, he was still one of them, but in reality the distance between him and them was a thousand times bigger than the actual physical distance between them right now.

"Sorry about the noise. I think their school team won a game or something." Shinichi turned around to the talking bartender again and finished his drink.

"It's fine. Another one, please." The bartender began to serve him another drink, when his gaze went to Shinichi's lap. "Uhm, excuse me...but, is that...blood?"

Shinichi looked down at him and saw that the area around his lap was smeared with blood. Her blood. "Oh yeah. That. Funny story, actually." Nothing about the story was close to being funny, but he couldn't just tell the bartender the truth. He grabbed his second scotch and took a long sip, while thinking of a cover up, fully aware the man still looked at him, waiting for the story. Shinichi put the glass down and started.

"You see, my day really sucked, okay, so I was riding the train, you know, minding my own business, when these two teens, a boy and a girl, get in. They're clearly underage, but still somehow completely hammered. Selling alcohol to minors, how shameless can you be..." Shinichi looked at the bartender, who remained oblivious to his sarcastic remark.  
"Anyways, they take the seats beside me, with the boy right next to me. They start to talk to each other, if you want to call their intoxicated blabbering 'talking', you know, I try to ignore it, but then the girl tries to hug him. With her outfit, she gave him a pretty good look at what she got, if you know what I mean." Shinichi gestured around his own chest, earning a small chuckle from the bartender. "And this guy just has the biggest nosebleed I've ever seen, like like a stream. And instead of being polite and bleeding on himself, the ground or his girlfriend, no, he decides to bleed on me. Can you believe that?! I just want to get home and suddenly someone ruins my clothes because he can't handle to see some cleavage. Unbelievable, I tell you."

By now, the bartender couldn't hold back his laughter; Shinichi finished his scotch and was satisfied with his performance. 'Mom would be so proud...'

"Ahh man, that sucks." The bartender said, after he calmed down again. "Tell you what, next drinks on me, if you want."

"Nah, I think I'm good for now. But I might take you up on it tomorrow."

"Hah, alright, alright." The bartender looked back to the partying teens. "You know, sometimes I wish I could be that young again. Just being able to let loose, you know? Must be easier when your parents still pay your bills and you got nothing to lose."

Shinichi looked at the teens again and thought about the bartenders words. "Yeah...anyway, I think I'm gonna call it a day." He payed his two drinks and rustled his keys while fidgeting them out of his pocket, which made the bartender raise an eyebrow.

"I don't think you should still drive." Shinichi was confused for a second, but then realized the man's mistake. "Oh no, I was just looking for my room key, see?" He held his key up to calm the bartender down.

"Ah, I see. Have a nice evening."

So Shinichi went off to his room, with the words of the bartender still looming in his head. 'Let loose, huh?'

His room was still a mess; they didn't bother to keep things tidy after he changed back in here. After all, they had more important things to do. Shinichi sat down on the bed and just let his gaze wander around the room while thinking. He halted, when he spotted a box on the bed beside him. It opened easily and within it were two one-way syringes and a small bottle with a transparent liquid in it. Shinichi now remembered that Haibara told him what that stuff was ealier.

_"What's that?" Conan asked, when Haibara sat a box on the bed._

_"It's morphine." the little scientist answered. "Just in case the antidote I threw together leaves you in pain even after the transformation. And if that would be the case we don't really have time to wait for the pain to go away or to try another antidote now, do we?"_

_Conan smirked. "Good to know you're always thinking of my well-being." He looked at the small capsule in his hand. "Alright. Here goes nothing..."_

Morphine. Most likely without prescription. 'Where did she get that from?' Shinichi asked himself, but decided that he didn't care either way and opened the box. Maybe a nice shot of this analgesic drug will make him feel better. He put one of the syringes towards the bottle and wanted to draw up morphine into it, when he realized he forgot what a lethal dose would be. He, Shinichi Kudo, actually couldn't remember one of the more common ways to die. If Haibara would be in the room, she would give him a sarcastic smile right about now, if not flat out laugh at him.

Shinichi spinned the syringe in his hands like a pen. Was it worth the risk? To just try his luck one more time? He closed his eyes trying to remember what an average lethal dose was, but the only thing coming to his mind were voices from earlier.

_"Shinichi!"_  
_"Ran?! What are you doing here?!"_  
_"I got you know, Kudo!"_  
_"Gin! No...Ran, get out of here!"_  
_"DIE!"_  
_..._  
_..._  
_..._  
_"RAN! No! No, nononono, no...please! Don't do this to me, don't leave me..."_

He quickly opened his eyes and tried to get his breathing under control again. After that, he drew up the syringe with morphine, estimating a dose that could possibly kill him or get him high to the sky. Shinichi pondered whether or not he should do this. When he closed his eyes, he opened them again immediately and realized that he would be fine with both. Thus, without hesitation, he injected the syringe into a vein.

* * *

At the same time, Heiji Hattori got off his motorcycle and entered the hotel. 'I gotta find Shinichi, but where to start...?' he thought, while looking around the place. Then he spotted the bar and decided that this would be the best place to start. It was a cliche, but bartenders actually did have useful informations very often. Heiji didn't bother to sit down and just knocked on the counter twice to get the bartenders attention.

"Hey, I'm looking for my friend, who crashed in this hotel. He wears, like erm...a dark blazer and a light blue shirt. Dark hair, has a cowlick at the back of his head and some bangs standing off in the front. Ya seen anyone like that?" Heiji asked him, coming straight to point.

"Oh yeah, that guy. Looked like he went to to hell and back." the bartender answered, while drying off some glasses. "Got himself some scotch. Didn't tip too well, but what can you expect here in Tokyo?"

"Ya know, I'm from Osaka..." Heiji started, at which the bartender raised an eyebrow. "...yeah, yeah, I know, shocker. And we're quite known to tip very generously." Heiji took out his wallet. "So, can ya tell his room number?"

The bartender considered it, but was still hesitating. "Come on, he's my friend and he's had a crappy day, I just wanna make sure he's fine."

"Alright. He's staying in room 221."  
Heiji was just about to give him a nice yen note, when he halted and looked at the guy. "Really?"

The bartender just shrugged and looked confused.  
"Ah, no, it's fine. Here ya go." He handed him the money and walked off.

* * *

Shinichi walked around his room and was apparently still alive. In fact, he felt more alive than he ever felt before. Everything was so clear and his perception was more sharp then ever. Colors, sounds and stuff seemed just even more amazing. 'Let loose...' he thought and suddenly knew what he wanted to do. He took some fast steps towards the balcony, when he heard someone banging on his door.

"Shinichi! I know ya in there. Open up! I need to talk to ya!"

'Huh, Heiji? Why is he here? Or am I having hallucinations now? Anyhow, hallucination or not, he can wait..." Shinichi thought as he stepped on a stool to climb onto the balcony railing.

"Shinichi! Hey man, listen to me! Ran isn't dead! Ya hear me, she's still alive! Open the door or I'm gonna bust it open...argh, damnit!"

Ran is alive? Now Shinichi definetly knew that this Heiji was just a construct of his mind. Although, the sound of someone trying to breach the door sounded pretty real. No matter though, Shinichi stared down from his balcony and knew what he had to do to let loose.

Heiji finally broke down the door and saw his best friend standing on the railing of his balcony. "SHINICHI! NO!" Heiji screamed and ran towards him, but he wasn't fast enough. He could do nothing, as his friend jumped off the balcony. "NOOOOOO!"

Heiji fell on his knees and tried to fight back tears. "Idiot, ya goddamn IDIOT..." he cursed, clenching his fists. He didn't dare to look down from the balcony; he wasn't sure if he could bare to see his best friends smashed corpse on the concrete floor. Then, he heard the terrible sound of him hitting the ground: _splash_.

Wait, _splash_?  
Heiji jolted up and looked over the railing. What he saw made his jaw drop. Shinichi jumped right into the deep pool of the hotel. Just as Heiji looked, Shinichi came back to surface, making countless of partying teenagers jump into the water aswell. "Son of a..." Heiji ran downstairs to confront his friend.

When he arrived at the pool, more people were in the pool than out of it; one of the teenagers tossed Shinichi a beer, who chucked down a good amount of it. Heiji shouted his name to gain the attention of his friend. When Shinichi looked over to Heiji, the latter shouted. "What the hell are ya doing?!"

Shinichi raised his arms and screamed from the top of his lungs and the partying teenagers around him answered.

"WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU WIN?!"  
"PARTY!"

"WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU LOSE?!"  
"PARTY HARDER!"

"AND WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU LOSE EVERYTHING YOU EVER CARED ABOUT?!"  
"YOU SET THE WHOLE WORLD ON FIRE!"

And then the crowd erupted into another wave of cheering. Heiji couldn't help but to shake his head. He motioned his friend to come closer to him; Shinichi tried to pull Heiji into the pool, but couldn't in his current state, thus Heiji managed to pull him out of the pool instead. Grabbing him by the arm, Heiji and Shinichi walked to small corridor where they were alone.

"Are ya insane?! I thought ya'd kill yerself!" the Osakan shouted.

Shinichi giggled like an idiot at that. "Relax, Heiji. I knew that there was a pool there. Atleast some part of my brain did. Anyway, doesn't matter now." He finished the beer that was still in his hands.

Heiji facepalmed and rubbed his face to calm himself. "Listen, Shinichi. Ran is alive."

"Oh, I thought you weren't an hallucination. Guess, I was wrong about..."

"Hey, I don't know what the hell is wrong with ya right now, but ya've gotta listen to me. She is not dead, do ya understand that?" Heiji was quickly losing his temper again.

"You're a funny guy, Heiji, so I'm going to let that one slide by. But there is one thing I know: Ran is dead. She died in my arms, I felt the life running out her, no pulse, no breath, no heartbeat. The end. Finito." Shinichi made an X motion with arms and didn't stop his giggling.

"And I'm telling ya she's not dead!"

"Really, this one gets funnier everytime you tell it...arghh!" Shinichi was in pain, as Heiji punched him in the stomach out of nowhere. The Detective of the West was now in rage.

"Shut up and listen to me, ya goddamn idiot!" Heiji tried to punch Shinichi in the face, but the other detective regained his momentum and blocked the strike with one arm, while using his other arm to grab Heiji by the throat. Locked in each others grips, they both tumbled backwards and bumped into the wall, causing some pictures to fall to the ground and shatter.

"Now you're really starting to piss me off, Heiji!"

"Maybe now I'll get through yer thick skull." Heiji freed himself from the grip of Shinichi and pinned him against the wall. He struggled, but the Osakan had more strenght and thus didn't gave away the upper hand. "Now, for the hundredth time: Ran Mouri, yer childhood friend and future wife, is alive. She breathes, her heart beats, she's in the hospital and she wants to see you."

Shinichi squirmed in his grip. "But..." he wanted to argue, but Heiji reaffirmed his grip and stared his friend down, until realization made its way onto Shinichi's face. He still asked if Heiji was serious one more time, but it was more rhetorical than anything. After that, he was up in arms and practically dragged Heiji to his motorcycle. Were it not for the fact that Shinichi didn't have the keys, he would've driven off without Heiji.

* * *

Utilizing the old saying of Yukiko that speed limits are for everyone else, they arrived pretty quickly at the Beika General Hospital. Shinichi left Heiji behind on the parking lot and sprinted into the hospital, but slowed down to avoid the potential anger of the staff, especially the nurses. It didn't help that he smelled awful, a mix of blood, sweat, alchohol and chlorine; combined with the usual hospital smell he already made a lot of heads turn.

Shinichi heard familiar voices in the room up ahead. It was a waiting room and judging from what and who he could hear, it was filled with people that were there for Ran, which in turn meant that they would recognize him as well. Shinichi straightened himself, trying to recall the things his mother told him about what actors do before they go out on a stage, because he knew, as soon as he would enter that room, all eyes would be on him. He briefly considered waiting for Heiji, so he wouldn't be alone, but decided against it.

The mood was dark in the waiting room. There were, of course, Ran's parents; also his own mother, Sonoko, Sera, Kazuha, Jodie (who was the only person in the room close to being as exhausted as Shinichi) and, a bit distant towards the rest of the group, Shiho. If Shinichi ever encountered a situation which would fit the description of palpable tension, this would be it. He had a few more moments to look around before more and more people in the group spotted him. None of them said a word, they just stared, conveying a variety of emotions. Sadness, confusion, pity, compassion and anger. Of course, the anger only came from a single person: the Sleeping Kogoro himself. It was also he, who first broke the silence.

"How dare you to show your face here?! This is all YOUR FAULT!" Kogoro exclaimed angrily, starting to scream at the end. He started to get up and probably would've started to use his judo on Shinichi, if Eri hadn't pulled him down to his seat again. "Kogoro, stop it. This is neither the place, nor the time for this!" she hissed at her husband.

Meanwhile, Yukiko also got up from her seat, but her intentions were far less dangerous for Shinichi. She just embraced her son in a motherly hug. "Shin-chan, I am so glad you're alright. We were all really worried after you disappeared." she whispered into his ear. Normally, Shinichi would resist or atleast feel uncomfortable with his mothers display of affection, especially under the scrutiny of so many people he knew, but not now, not after this day. Unable to say something, he returned the hug and enjoyed that comforting feeling only your mother can give you.

After a while they released each other and Yukiko softly put both of her hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look her straight in the eyes. "Shin-chan, what exactly happened? Ran obviously couldn't tell us anything, Heiji only knows pieces of information and Jodie refuses to talk about it because she apparently is 'off duty'. So, what happened?"

Shinichi really wanted to answer her, but his mind couldn't compile enough information for a satisfying answer. "I, uhm, I...I-I just don't know, Mom. Guess I'm still in shock myself. I...I'll tell you what I know later. Right now, I have...something else to do." he managed to get out, before making a motion to turn around, causing Yukiko to take her hands away. Shinichi went over to the nurse desk, which was only occupied by one nurse and one doctor, with the latter being busy with some paperwork.

"What can I do for you, Sir?" the nurse asked him.  
"Hi, I'd like to see a patient of yours, Ran Mouri."  
The nurse looked over some informations. "Ah yes, Mouri-san. Uhm, what is your relation to the patient?"

"I'm her husband." he lied without hestitation. Would save him a lot of hassle he figured.  
The nurse was surprised by this, considering his and Ran's age, but didn't comment on it. "The thing is, your wife is allowed to see visitors at the moment, but she has refused to see anyone so far. Even her parents, so I'm not sure if she'll want to see you, uhm...I'm sorry, I didn't even ask for your name."  
"Shinichi Kudo." he replied shortly.

"Right, Kudo-san, I hope you understa-" the women wanted to continue, but the doctor, who only now looked up from his papers, interrupted her.  
"Shinichi Kudo, you say?" he asked.  
"The one and only." Shinichi replied, a bit too light-hearted to be appropriate.

"Good. Mouri-san has asked to see you. Glad to see you've made it here. That Osaka boy even went out to find you I believe."

"Yeah, he brought me here, I kinda left him behind in the parking lot. Anyway, can you take to Ran now?"

"Sure. Let's go through that corridor and we'll be at your wife's room in no time." the doctor replied, louder than before because he already started to walk. So far, Shinichi's conversation with the staff wasn't loud enough to be heard by the others, until that final statement. While Shinichi began to follow the doctor, Kogoro was getting angry over what he just heard.

"Oi, what kind of things are you proclaiming here?! She's not your-" Kogoro began to scream again, but Eri intervened even earlier than before by grabbing his arm again.  
"Kogoro, stop making a fool out of yourself and shut up already."  
"But-"

Shinichi couldn't hear the old man's surely very clever and completely useless rebuttal, because he already left the waiting room with the doctor and was now walking down a corridor. "What was that about?" the doctor asked, throwing him a side glance.

"Ah, just my father-in-law. He never got over it." Shinichi answered, expecting that this wouldn't be the last time in his life he would say that sentence. The doctor just nodded understandingly. When they arrived, the doctor went into Ran's room first, checking if she was ready to see him. She was. The doctor closed the door behind Shinichi, who was now alone with Ran in the room.

She lay on the hospital bed, awake, but with closed eyes and many machines monitoring her, though she atleast was able to breathe on her own. Shinichi quickly crossed the room, sat himself on a chair next to the bed and carefully took her left hand into his.

"Shinichi...are you...crying?"  
It was only then that he realized that a few tears were running down his cheeks. He looked at Ran, but she still had her eyes closed. She knew because some of the tears dropped on her hand.

"Yes. I am. I...I thought that you were gone and left me behind, that you were dead...Ran, what were you doing there?"

"Making sure you wouldn't leave me behind." she answered, matching his words and opening her eyes; now she looked at him, without turning her head.

"Stupid." Shinichi mumbled this word very softly, they both knew there was no insult behind it in any fashion. "I guess, I gave you much reason to worry. But that is over now."

Ran's eyes widened a bit. "Can you promise me that, Shinichi? That you won't leave me behind again?"  
Shinichi smiled and placed a soft kiss on her hand.

"I promise."

* * *

**A/N: **At the beginning this was supposed to be much to closer to the final scene of the House MD episode "Out of the Chute" it is based on, but it kinda went its own way during writing. ~26.04.2015**  
**


End file.
